Once upon a time there was a girl. This girl had a special power. She could create magical hats from the softest threads that glistened with vibrant colours in the sunlight. She made herself a hat in rich shades of green, streaked with gold if you looked at it just right. It was soft, it was comfortable and, of course, it was magic. Her two evil cousins were jealous of her hat and they each plotted to steal it for themselves. The girl, being a generous sort — and not at all evil unless she had not been fed — decided she would craft another hat. This hat, she explained, would be given to the winner of a contest.
For you see, the source of the girl’s powers lay in her secret addiction to a witch’s brew which could only be prepared with ingredients from a far-off land over the oceans. The winner of the contest would be the first to journey to the Wise Wizards of Whittard to obtain these ingredients and hand deliver them to her. The girl knew the task was almost impossible for, although her cousins lived close to the Wizards, they had only recently made the Great Journey to see her, and it would be many moons before they could afford to undertake the perilous route once again. Unfortunately she had not accounted for their cunning.
And so it was that some weeks later the girl received a strange parcel addressed to her in spidery handwriting. Surprised and intrigued the girl set the box upon a table in her kitchen and opened it. Peering inside she let out an unholy scream, horrified to discover the ingredients she craved along with a dismembered hand!
People’s first question is, unsurprisingly, “where on Earth did you get a dismembered hand?” The answer: Amazon marketplace. They seriously have everything there. Following the facebook discussion which inspired this endeavour, I had a hand ordered by 3 o’clock and it all felt rather Lebowski. The hardest part was keeping it all under wraps once it was boxed up and in transit. Admittedly I was slightly curious as to whether the package would arrive at all, what with these crazy restrictions about not sending body parts through the mail. Prior to posting it, naturally I had to take some shots of the hand around the flat, which I can now share with you in a little gallery called After The Outbreak.
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