(aka The Profiterole King, The Networker)

Meet RaviI know I’m not back in Cambridge yet, but Ravi is. That’s how keen he is. Or else it is an interesting indication of how well he gets on with his parents given that he’s chosen an empty corridor for company over them. Either that or he’s planning a surprise party for my arrival tomorrow. Which is incidentally just the sort of thing this networking socialite would do. Inspired by old prisons and modern surveillance techniques, he produced an inordinately enjoyable system of shining bright lights and laserbeams at drunken revellers returning in the early hours of the morning. Plans to release a compilation video entitled “Keep Off The Grass” are in the early stages with a number of interested distributors. Ravi suffers from an unusual crutch fetish and whilst his rehabilitation has been unsteady, there has been definite progress. Having been on crutches for the first week, his attempts to go cold turkey proved fruitless when he relapsed a few weeks later, becoming attached to them for over three weeks before we could pry them away (just one at first; he would sleep clutching the other tightly). I am pleased to announce that I have been reliably informed he has been clean for the past seven weeks.

Has been misquoted as saying: “I am the Profiterole King. Kneel before my cream filled balls.”
Has silenced rooms by stating: “Supersymmetry only exists in 26 dimensions.”
Favourite mobile phone manufacturer: Motorola (for the flashing lights)