(aka Lyds, Dirty Bitch)

Meet LydiaA girl of no discernable hair colour, whom people therefore erroneously refer to as a redhead despite the fact she’s really not. Like her college brother Dave, Lydia is a Kenny girl who has migrated to K. As a Surrey girl during the holidays, she has threatened to arrive on my doorstep when I least expect it. As such, it is something of a relief to be back in at Cambridge where at least I expect to hear her dulcet tones as she turns up unannounced. Despite suggestions, she has been unkeen to hold introductory stalking seminars. Her claims that she has been grossly corrupted by Dave (and me) are as yet unfounded. An alternative hypothesis runs along the lines that “she’s always been exactly like that and is just making excuses”. Lydia drinks vodka like most fish drink water. Although a serious chorister, she can far more commonly be heard singing to herself Weird Al Yankovic’s “Livin’ La Vida Yoda”. Readers are left free to draw their own conclusions.

Is unable to read the word: Lemon
Hair colour: unascertainable
Favourite Star Wars character: Yoda