Several days ago a youth walked into a service station and, after a verbal fight broke out between the cashier and a third man, he released an unlicenced illegal argument so refined that only three labs in the world are capable of producing such potent and concentrated vocabulary. Its use is strictly prohibited in public as there is no known comeback. Earlier in the week police released this photograph of the suspect, taken by a CCTV camera shortly after the alleged event. However a recent court order requires that the identity of the man in question be concealed for his own protection as it is believed a bounty has been placed on head by several underworld leaders who wish to procure the illegal argument. Personally, I just hope that my upcoming interview in London won’t be prejudiced by the fact I now look like an extra from Prison Break.
With apologies to any readers who happen to be rehabilitating ex-cons, or indeed still incarcerated, this look is not exactly the first impression I’m going for. I’m not a shallow guy, but dammit I liked my hair. Gelled and spiked, it became something of a trademark, much as everyone loved to complain about its alternate use as deadly weapon/cheese grater. Now I can’t even put gel in it. Yes, you heard right. While it would be incorrect to describe my hair’s current state as “soft”, you certainly aren’t going to scratch anything with it. If I am forced to find a bright side, at least it’s still black.