Meewella | Fragments

The Life of P

Month: August 2005 (page 2 of 2)

Plugging the Gap

Poison Arts | Alternative Talent AgencyYesterday Sku came to visit from up north and we spent the day together in London. Laughing in the face of death as we took the tube to Camden, we did the usual mix of sampling stallfoods, wandering the markets and occassionally even buying stuff. I finally dropped by Resurrection Records from where I used to mail order out-of-the-way CDs of a darker persuation and it was weird to see so much great alternative music in one place. It was a fun day out and we’ve promised not to leave it another year and a half before hooking up again.

designedby.P | professional web & graphic designOnce more Sku encouraged me to sign up for an artist’s profile at Poison Arts, a new alternative talent agency, to push some of my photographs and digital artwork into wider circulation. How about settling for a plug while I make up my mind? A specialised talent agency, they deal with a wide range from models and performers to photographers, stylists and artists whose work displays a darker or alternative aesthetic. They aim to hook people up internally (such as models requiring a photographer to produce a portfolio) as well as attracting outside clients.

Meanwhile, plugging myself, the new websites I’m running have enabled me to put together a proper portfolio of official projects so I’ve created designedby.P to advertise my services now that I’m looking for paid web work. If you know of anyone who’s interested in hiring a web or graphic designer then please do send them along. The address is http://designedbyp.iceglow.com.

And as predicted, I did indeed hook my Xbox up to the Live service as soon as I got back from TomTom’s. So if you play Halo 2 online then add “PhoenixMDK” as a friend and we’ll go hunt down brattish American kids together.

Murder Death Kill

Yes, despite it being a Thursday, tomorrow I shall be taking a (shock, horror) train. At this time P-2004 feel it wise to issue the following advisory warning. To ensure your continued safety we have designed the following T-shirt and would strongly recommend that none of our readers attempt to use the public transportation system unless sporting one. The front was carefully designed to calm police officers in the vacinity and ensure that you are not accidentally mistaken for a terrorist based on current racial profiling. It has the added advantage of speeding your journey by allowing you to avoid stop-and-search delays, unless of course you already look like a “little old white lady”. Upon realising the small possibility that it could be considered inflamatory by other groups, the back was hastily scrawled to prevent lynching. Please contact us for pricing.

P-2004 terrorism defence shirt

MDK 2The payoff certainly outweighs the risk, it being to visit TomTom for several hours of good new-fashioned Xbox Live Halo 2 multiplayer madness. This will be my first forray into the high octane world of Xbox Live, but there’s a good chance that after tomorrow I’ll be cracking open my free trial membership too since our broadband has been upgraded to the requisite 1Mbps in my absence. So look out for PhoenixMDK on the scoreboards in the near future!

People frequently enquire about the trailing three letters in my first person shooter handle so I’ll explain. It stands for “Murder Death Kill” in homage to an impressive little twosome of games from several years ago, developed by Shiny and Bioware respectively. The naming of the game itself was shrouded in mystery, some stating that it was intended to be a nod to Demolition Man but marketing a game with that name would be too difficult. With the sequel it was suggested the name came from the protagonists, Max (the four-armed trigger-happy dog), Doc (the obligatory mad scientist) and Kurt (the signature character with a sniping helmet). When quizzed the developers would all throw around various quirky possibilities such as “Mothers Day Kisses”, while the official manual interpretation was, “whatever you want”.

Comparative Risk Indices

I was discussing with Ravi the prospect of getting a few of the uni gang down here when he mentioned that Irish Dave was coming over to our shores for a few days around that time. However, he’s been instructed by his parents not to go into London during his stay. This all seemed rather unfortunate but understandable until Ravi’s preposterous suggestion that perhaps we could all go to his house in Birmingham instead. The audacity of that boy to suggest that his city is in fact safer than mine astounds me. Allow me to demonstrate by way of the charts below:

P-2004 Comparative Risk Index

Fig.1 uses our basic safety comparison algorithm to show the proportionate risk index of the two cities, with Birmingham clearly the more dangerous of the two because not only do they have bomb scares that clear out the entire city centre, they also have natural disasters like stealth tornados that spring up out of nowhere to wreak havoc in seconds. Now I’ll take my chances with the odd derranged bomber but how exactly am I expected to fend off an unstoppable force of nature at the same time? There’s risky and then there’s plain stupid.

Fig.2 goes into significantly more depth, using our Comaparative Risk Analysis Process* (C.R.A.P.) to demonstrate the relative risk in comparison to other well known areas. It once again shows that London remains fairly safe, while Birmingham comes in as marginally more dangerous than war-torn Iraq. The apparent anomaly of Hull being more dangerous than London puzzled our researchers for some time but was eventually explained due to the considerably elevated risk of dying of boredom.

This conclusive proof that London is by far the safer of the two cities will surely make Dave’s parents reconsider their decision once they read our analysis. In the meantime the US Department of Homeland Security have asked me to give a presentation regarding one of their own sophisticated charting systems

*patent pending

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"Lack of imagination is an occupational hazard for an apex predator."

(CC) BY-NC 2005-2019 Priyan Meewella

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