Given last term’s distinct lack of updates and the fact that many of our readers are therefore unfamiliar with my companions and co-conspirators (read: drinking pals and fellow slackers) at Cambridge, I have devised a cunning method to bring everyone properly up to speed on the new characters who will shortly be appearing in these chronicles. Over the next few days you will be introduced through a series of lively profiles to a dark and seedy world which may well scar you for life. So don’t say you weren’t warned.

Should any major events (or merely interesting asides) occur, we may be forced to temporarily suspend the service and dip back into the real world, but rest assured we will do our best to ensure such interruptions remain at a minimum.