Reeltime posts are not regular reviews but real-time commentary posted whilst watching the film. You can follow live or read the archived post at the end.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:00 pm
Welcome back for Year 5 and the book Rowling apparently decided to name after me.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:00 pm

During our mid-series hiatus I actually visited Hogwarts (via Orlando), an experience that I am certain will result in more nuanced exploration of the final four films. Definitely.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:01 pm
Oh. I appear to have put in Catcher in the Rye by mistake.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:03 pm
Oh good, we all know how good Harry’s self-control is when people mention his mother. Odds on it having improved?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:04 pm
Xenomorphs? Is this Alien vs Potterer?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:04 pm

Not a huge fan of their new look.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:06 pm
Who told her Harry was intelligent? Brave, sure. But when has he showed intelligence?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:08 pm
Oh right, they’re FINALLY enforcing that no magic rule. Only presumably now this is supposed to be bad bureaucracy?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:08 pm

Obviously it’s the most forgiveable use of magic outside Hogwarts so far.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:11 pm
Nymphadora is Jean Grey when she’s angry? I mean, valid Phoenix connection there.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:13 pm
No one saw this, presumably? But it looked cool so it’s okay.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:14 pm
Totally unfair, enforcing rules. You’d think Hermione would approve.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:15 pm
They’re two teenage boys. Of course they “whip their wands out for everything”…

|[P]| 17 September 20178:16 pm smear?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:19 pm
Somewhat ironic that he’s so confused by underground barriers when that guy took the RFID from an oyster card and put it on the end of a wand

|[P]| 17 September 20178:21 pm
Ah yes, the traditional “Harry conveniently sees Lucius looking suspicious in the opening Act”.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:24 pm
I do like her. She shows suitable lack of respect for procedure.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:24 pm

As a lawyer obviously I cannot approve at all.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:25 pm
“Laws can be changed if necessary.” Who put Theresa May in charge of the Ministry of Magic? Did Fudge even get a majority?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:26 pm

Oh, clearly not if he can’t force that vote through. This is all very familiar.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:26 pm

When is Mexit? Hexit?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:29 pm
In fairness if wizards are still reliant on fossil fuels, I can see why the London Underground would be so impressive. Do wizards not care about their carbon footprint at all?!

|[P]| 17 September 20178:30 pm
“You’re just as sane as I am.” Is this Luna? I think we’re going to get on.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:33 pm
A bureaucrat named Umbridge. “Good luck,” is pretty appropriate for any new teacher based on past experience…

|[P]| 17 September 20178:34 pm
Oh right, so Harry thinks it’s fine to attack other people’s mothers?! It doesn’t count because they’re still alive?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:38 pm
ORDINARY Wizarding Levels. So they’ve not introduced the General Certificate of Secondary Enchantment? How far behind are they, given that they’re mimicking Muggle education.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:40 pm
So magic is unsafe in the classrooms but fine for disciplinary torture.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:42 pm
How is hiding what’s happening going to help Dumbledore run his school, Harry? Is this just revenge because he told Ron and Hermione not to tell you everything?

|[P]| 17 September 20178:44 pm
What is the evolutionary basis for only wanting to be seen by those that have seen death? I mean, virtually any predator would have seen death.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:46 pm
That’s one hell of a toast rack.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:47 pm
“Questioning me is questioning the Ministry and by extension the Minister himself.” Ah, facism.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:48 pm
“Obviously.” Alan Rickman continues to be exquisite in a single word.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:49 pm
“Grave danger.” Like anyone at Hogwarts, so technically she’s right. Just unimpressive.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:51 pm
We’re already reliant on technicalities. Rarely good.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:52 pm
This looks a lot more comfortable than last time in the coals.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:56 pm
Asking to know about Cedric’s death is hardly unreasonable. Refusing to talk about it is definitely not helpful if you’re trying to win people over.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:57 pm
Hermione is on team Saying “Voldemort”. More of this.

|[P]| 17 September 20178:59 pm
So the Ministry is worried about Dumbledore building an army to challenge them, which he wasn’t. So in response Harry, Ron and Hermione are building an army and literally calling it Dumbledore’s Army just in case it wasn’t clear enough.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:01 pm
Any stronger and that kid would have ended up in the fire. Does the Room of Requirement also have fire extinguishers when required?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:02 pm
So Harry and Cho are still a Thing.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:04 pm
The Room of Requirement has some decent spell CG upgrades.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:07 pm
“Required” mistletoe.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:07 pm

This is one manipulative room.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:15 pm can see why Mr Weasley is obviously grateful but Harry’s accomplishments continue to be rather passive – seeing things and telling other people.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:16 pm
Being angry isn’t a symptom of the Dark Lord, it’s a symptom of being a teenage boy.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:20 pm
Ooh Bellatrix. I met her at Gringotts. She looks wonderfully sane.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:23 pm
Neville has parental secrets too. So that’s where he gets his grit; just needs the skill to back it up now.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:25 pm

|[P]| 17 September 20179:25 pm

I did say “Dumbledore’s Army” was a stupid name. Idiots.
Although, is Dumbledore trying to break into Azkaban by claiming responsibility?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:27 pm
So no, he’s “not going quietly”. And yes, he does have style.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:29 pm
He’s learning to care less. Can’t say I entirely disapprove. Although “going it alone” doesn’t seem like the best option for the Boy Who Relies On Other People.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:31 pm
“Just needs a firm hand is all.”

|[P]| 17 September 20179:34 pm
Snape actually knew your dad, Harry. He’s got far more right to comment on him than you.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:34 pm
Yikes, and a bully too.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:35 pm
Did anyone ever think their skills lay inside the world of academic achievement?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:36 pm

|[P]| 17 September 20179:36 pm

Uh oh, this is going to be a serious prank, isn’t it?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:38 pm
Pretty, but generally doesn’t everyone hate the disruptive twats who prevent people from actually concentrating during important exams?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:39 pm
They nicked one of Gandalf’s dragon fireworks from Fellowship!

|[P]| 17 September 20179:39 pm

Albeit, via Mushu from Mulan.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:42 pm
“No idea.” Still at his best with virtually no lines.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:43 pm
And we’re into “the ends justify the means” torture.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:45 pm
“I will have order!” Yes, Ms May. I’m quite sure you will. Spoilers: this is the part where you lose your majority.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:47 pm
“I must not tell lies.” Zing. Harry’s learned how to quip.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:49 pm

Oh right, flying into London. Because no one in London has “seen death”?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:50 pm
This prophecy is likely to be my issue with the ending of this series.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:53 pm
Classic Tim Burton Helena Bonham Carter. Did she actually go into make-up at all?

|[P]| 17 September 20179:55 pm
Good. If five kids were able to muddle their way into beating Death Eaters, their reputation seems ridiculous.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:56 pm
One Black on the other hand…

|[P]| 17 September 20179:57 pm
Now this is much more like it.

|[P]| 17 September 20179:58 pm
And again, avada kedavre is such an ignoble death.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:00 pm
Even with Harry’s pain and mirroring Cedric’s father.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:01 pm
Now THIS is what we’ve been waiting for. I think I’m done with the kids now, if nobody else minds…

|[P]| 17 September 201710:03 pm
I do like Albus calling him Tom. Not buying into that mystique.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:03 pm
I’m guessing this mental duel works better in text than here.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:04 pm
“Yer a fool, ‘arry.”

|[P]| 17 September 201710:07 pm
Pretty light on the prophecy unpacking here.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:08 pm
There’s much more natural chemistry between Luna and Harry than with Cho.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:10 pm
I get the point Harry is trying to make, but I’m pretty sure Voldemort thinks he has something worth fighting for… you know, existence amongst other things.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:12 pm
So David Yates takes over for the rest of the series now. I can’t say I was blown away by the direction specifically, but it’s a strong hand and continuity is probably a good thing.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:14 pm

I felt this was narratively weaker than the previous two films. I assume they had to cut out a lot of material here. The first half dragged rather a lot, but the second half is what we’ve been building towards.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:14 pm

I felt Ron and Hermione were almost extraneous in this film. I assume they were busy running Dumbledore’s Army off-screen?
New characters like Luna end up in the thick of the action somewhat inexplicably.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:15 pm

Ultimately I’m increasingly more interested in the adults because this is really the continuation of their fight that Harry’s just been dragged into. Like what happened to Mad-Eye’s biker gang for most of the film? I’d watch that spin-off.

|[P]| 17 September 201710:18 pm

Gambon’s Dumbledore seems better on this outing than last time, but then he’s now more of a strategist than a headmaster. I’m guessing he continues in a more militaristic fashion now that he has his totally legitimate army of children…

|[P]| 17 September 201710:19 pm
And that’ll do it for this one. We’ll be back soon with Year 6!