Reeltime posts are not regular reviews but real-time commentary posted whilst watching the film. You can follow live or read the archived post at the end.
Difficult times lie ahead. Reeltime Harry Potter continues with Year 4 on 25 July 2017 at 8pm BST.
Out of the gate we seem to be keeping with the darker aesthetic.
New score. Let’s see.
Interesting – the first film not to open at the Dursley’s house. Instead we’re… wherever this is.
Oh okay, so technically we were in Harry’s head in… oh, the Weasleys’.
Wizard fairground rides are weird.
Odds that tent is bigger on the inside?
T.A.R.D.I.S. – Tents And Relative Dimension In Space
Lucius is still enjoying scenery chewing.
Oh sports. Quidditch World Cup suggests the wizarding world is getting suddenly more international.
Oh, terrorist attack at a major sporting event…
It is David Tennant! Is he here to get his TARDIS back?
I really want to see the Northern Lights too.
“At the scene of the crime! Were you rushing or dragging?”
This would be the notorious Cho Chang, I presume?
Johnny Depp has arrived. The effects have maintained their improved level.
Well this lot seem insufferable. The fluttering Disney butterflies in particular.
Oh I see, it’s the Olympic Opening Ceremony.
The Goblet of Fire. Second earliest reveal of the title.
Loving the kids complaining that they should be allowed to die trying to win a cup.
More great character design at work. Loving the design of the swivelling eye.
Hmm, only three forbidden curses? I assume there must be a lot more forbidden magic than that?
Okay, so free will, torture and death. Seems reasonable.
Are we going to get more Neville this year? It’s the first time he’s not been the butt of a joke for “failing” in class.
Dumbledore does have a flair for the dramatic. Gambon’s accent seems to be drifting all over the place though.
Okay, the rest of them are insufferable. I do have a lot of time for Clemence Poesy…
For me, though, she’s Chloe from In Bruges. And she’s brought Brendan Gleeson with her. Is Colin Farrell going to turn up too?
“The Goblet of Fire constitutes a binding magical contract.” How on earth does wizard contract law work? Harry wasn’t party to the contract and the Goblet’s offered no consideration (I mean, I guess “eternal glory”?).
Why is McGonagall the only one who even considers that they could just… not.
Well this is a creepy broom cupboard interview.
“Hey, my eyes aren’t glistening with the ghosts of my past.” FAKE NEWS.
Well that looks comfortable…
“Hogwarts isn’t safe any more.” Sirius. Do you not remember the last time you were here?! Siriusly.
Ron. Also insufferable. It may be contagious.
“I’m not an owl!” Zing.
Why has he asked Harry to come with him and hide under a cloak? Does Hagrid like… to be watched?
Good Guy Cedric.
“We never use transfiguration as a punishment.” We let children die in sporting events but they will not be changed into anything else!
Right, so we’ve isolated Harry so he’s competing alone with Mad-Eye instructing him. But why has Hermione abandoned him? Surely she should be coaching.
Evidently I spoke too soon. Or she heard me.
Odds on Harry getting the Horntail?
Dragons guarding golden eggs with clues. What is it with wizards and grabbing little gold balls?
“Accio Firebolt.” I get that this was Moody’s coaching, but how about “Accio Dragon-killing rifle” or “Accio golden egg”?
This is an even dumber sport than Quidditch. What is the point in that stadium? Everyone’s sitting there watching nothing at all. Like F1. Without the screens to watch everything else.
“Who could figure that out? That’s completely mental.”
I hate when pretty girls make me forget how to drink.
The Yule Ball is actually about dancing? They’re at school. It should be all about the boys and girls awkwardly lining up on opposite sides of the dance floor.
Alan Rickman is still wordlessly the best.
This whole thing has been so awkward that I’m struggling with sympathy.
Own it Ron, you’ll be fine.
Okay, a little sympathy. Our boy is trying.
“Be our guest!” In hindsight, no wonder she went with the Hungarian Beast.
“International magical cooperation.” Is that what the kids call it now?
Hermione is the only one who actually deserves sympathy, once she explains why she went with the meathead. I mean, not as much as if she’d said this before the Ball. But still.
“Viktor’s more of a physical beast.” Wow, Hermione. Also, this is the kind of charm that Emma Watson seems to struggle to bring to the screen in recent films.
Umm, they do remember he’s 14, right? Awks.
Continuing last year’s use of casual clothes. As well as grounding the films, I think they actually add to the sense of uneasiness when placed next to the supernatural.
Trust yourself Neville. I mean, even if historically there’s not much precedent for that.
This is some creepy Black Swan body horror.
Did these children agree to be live props for these games?
Or is this some kind of Wizard Contract?
Oh and it turns out these strict rules are actually so flexible that you can change people’s places based on “moral fibre”.
Beats a loudspeaker.
Oh dear, I’m starting to have serious misgivings about this eye. I was going to ask earlier if he was actually just an alcoholic or swigging something more… questionable.
I mean, not that any of these child-endangering cretins making things up as they go along inspire confidence.
The Pensieve could have just been called an Expository.
So yet another event where no one can actually see anything that happens…
Worst. Pep talk. Ever.
I am enjoying trigger-happy (err, fuse-happy?) Filch.
Is this gas a hallucinogen?
I thought Harry said he didn’t care about eternal glory. Why does he keep struggling with winning vs not letting people die?
Ooh, portkey throwback.
Diggory deserved a better death. Is that why the wizards forbid this curse? It’s just underwhelming and unsporting.
Oh we’re really pushing the story forward at last! The full Fiennes. Which incidentally, means Colin Farrell really is the only missing from In Bruges!
Oh right, so it’s just all the Slytherin parents. How…obvious?
Grovelling Lucius is immediately less interesting.
If Voldemort is so powerful, and these unforgivable curses so terrible, how is a 4th year wizard holding his own?
“Use the Force, Harry.”
Cedric’s father’s anguished wails are the hardest thing to watch in this series so far. Powerful. And probably the first time I’ve heard any heartfelt care for one of these children by the adults instead of just lip service. All it takes is death, apparently.
What a remarkably expected turn of events…
Tennant makes a deliciously evil villain. That lizard-tongue. A shame he had so little to do here. At least he’s alive and in Azkaban so hopefully he’ll return to the fray in the future.
Dumbledore actually seems bored starting Cedric’s eulogy.
Dumbledore apologising for putting Harry in danger this year seems pretty disingenuous even for him. Either it was a calculated decision to expose the Voldemort threat or he’s just utterly incompetent given that he was told repeatedly how dangerous his actions were.
Honestly, I’m going off Dumbledore.
“Everything’s going to change, isn’t it?”
I mean, really? How much. We’re still coming back to Hogwarts for Year 5, right?
Or is Year 5 Wizarding Accounts exams?
Although frankly I’d take a course in Wizard Contract Law at this point because I’m none the wiser.
But seriously, maybe stop letting your school be run by semi-sentient hats and cups?
So overall, we’ve finally moved the plot forward considerably. Although, by the halfway point of the series one would hope so. Voldemort is no longer some theoretical threat that people whisper about. The stakes have been raised by actually killing Cedric Diggory. I rather wish we’d spent more time with him so that his death carried a little more weight though. His having been nice to Harry a couple of times isn’t quite the same as a weighty death. But I know we’ve got those ahead of us.
I’m not sure how much is actually going to change next year though. Is Hogwarts going to instigate some kind of security system that is somewhere in between a caretaker with his cat and rabid Dementors attacking students? Presumably all those Voldemort groupies are still undercover and will continue their clever facade of just being terrible Slytherin parents.
And what is this awful song in the credits?!
“Mmm, don’t be scared
She wants you to
I think maybe you should “let this magic die”.
And on that note, I will see you when we return to Hogwarts for Year 5. There may be a short hiatus before we return for the second half the series.